A Day in the Life of Lucy: 22

Lucy: I need to hire someone to put this desk together. It is tiny, but very frustrating.

Lucy: I am an artist, not a desk-putter-togetherer

C: I don’t do building shit. I had to get marriage counseling after my first ikea attempt with my husband.

Lucy: Wut.

C: HE DIDNT KEEP THE SCREWS SEPARATE. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THAT?

Lucy:…

Cora: I couldn’t handle the betrayal. They were strewn around the floor in pieces, like my shattered heart.

Lucy: Idc as long as it gets put together. Maybe I’ll hire the boyfriend position. That’s what they’re good for, right?

Lucy:

1 position available. Title: Boyfriend

Must be able to put furniture together in a timely manner.

Must enjoy cuddles and Dogs.

Benefits: Sex and food… and cuddles

…

Cuddles are non-negotiable.

C: you should add “Quality of built furniture must be able to withstand angry sex against/on top of it.”

Lucy: Fantastic idea. But it really is a small desk. My dad got it for me.

Lucy:…

Lucy: Only sociopaths give their daughters unassembled furniture.