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A Day in the Life of Lucy: 17

LESSONS FROM LUCY: (I found the right title) Flirting… Am I Doing it Right?

Lucy: *Snapchatting male friend *

Male Friend: My friend Paul asks if you’re single.

Lucy: I’m in a committed relationship with my phone. We do butt touches and everything.

MF: He says that’s more of a thing rather than a one.

Lucy: I’m in a relationship with Chris Pratt now that his marriage is over. He just doesn’t know it yet. But we’re very happy together.

MF: No you’re not.

Lucy: Well, we will be soon. We’ll probably start out as pen pals.

MF: You’re definitely not in a relationship with Chris Pratt.

Lucy: *heartbroken* I’m not?

MF: No

Lucy: Damn…. you wouldn’t happen to have $300 on standby would you?

MF: No

Lucy: Welp, I guess I’ll have to start stripping.

MF: I can give a free consultation.

Lucy: *sends video of Lucy in an inflatable dino costume in a pole dancing class 3 weeks ago*

MF: OMG IS THAT YOU?

Lucy: You’re goddamn right it is.

MF: Hot.

Lucy: btw tell Paul that I don’t do long distance bromances with strange men. I mean, look how things turned out between me and Chris Pratt *sheds tear* so tragic.

MF: Paul says okay.

Lucy: That response is lackluster and tell him he needs to get on our level. Dweeb.

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