A Day in the Life of Lucy: 17
LESSONS FROM LUCY: (I found the right title) Flirting… Am I Doing it Right?
Lucy: *Snapchatting male friend *
Male Friend: My friend Paul asks if you’re single.
Lucy: I’m in a committed relationship with my phone. We do butt touches and everything.
MF: He says that’s more of a thing rather than a one.
Lucy: I’m in a relationship with Chris Pratt now that his marriage is over. He just doesn’t know it yet. But we’re very happy together.
MF: No you’re not.
Lucy: Well, we will be soon. We’ll probably start out as pen pals.
MF: You’re definitely not in a relationship with Chris Pratt.
Lucy: *heartbroken* I’m not?
Lucy: Damn…. you wouldn’t happen to have $300 on standby would you?
Lucy: Welp, I guess I’ll have to start stripping.
MF: I can give a free consultation.
Lucy: *sends video of Lucy in an inflatable dino costume in a pole dancing class 3 weeks ago*
MF: OMG IS THAT YOU?
Lucy: You’re goddamn right it is.
Lucy: btw tell Paul that I don’t do long distance bromances with strange men. I mean, look how things turned out between me and Chris Pratt *sheds tear* so tragic.
MF: Paul says okay.
Lucy: That response is lackluster and tell him he needs to get on our level. Dweeb.